how to tell if a comrade is single

[maat_free]

Just what does an available, focused, rbg soldier look like, exactly?

i wish ya'll brothers would wear an id bracelet.

matter of fact, all single africans, wear your rbg wristband on your right arm. Those who wear it on the left, that needs to be reserved for those in relationships.

cuz i can't tell. And it takes too much energy to figure it out.

picture this: sister red sees brother black reading nkrumah at green's bookstore.

sister red thinks brother black is looking strong, serious, conscious, sincere. She likes the way it makes her feel to know he is only a few feet away studying his daily lessons.

she tells herself that he needs to know her and she needs to know him...they're both too beautiful and african to be sitting so close without at least an introduction.

the other side of her says, no chile, don't even look...don't even get your hopes up, he is probably married, or gay, or has a baby with your homegirl, or trying to get you to mess with him behind his queen's back...don't even let your eyes meet.

then back to the first voice in her head...ya'll are africans. What can be wrong with just acknowledging one another?

the other side says please...you have enough bredren to last you a lifetime. Enough already with all the platonic male friends. What you really need is a mate.

so, to remain respectful of whatever boundaries she imagines will exist, the opportunity passes and two africans are once again left to sit alone, wasting time trying to figure out how they gone heal their community while being single, knowing that being single ain't even african to begin with.

...when i am an elder, i am going to insist that all the young people in my circle wear that wristband. I ain't playing.

we need a universal method to indentify nation builders that are single & serious.

how else are we supposed to build new africa if everybody is crying about not being able to find a mate with complimentary principles?

something has got to be done about this.

[Kala]

Greetings Sis Akua Maat Free

This is a hilarious post... I appreciate you taking us into your stream of thought consciousness to get at the serious point at hand.

I feel you on the hesitation to talk issue…. I say, when you meet a brother, just introduce and talk. While we all (brothers and sisters) do have a tendency to think about whether the person is taken or not, that shouldn't stop you from having an introductory conversation with them. They could end up being a hook up to new job, or connections to a community org u didn't know about or... Something.

On the other end, he might appear to be a cool person, until he opens his mouth, either way you never know unless you speak. If you don’t speak you’ll be thinking about it afterwards… so, I say talk.

It's true that it would be helpful to know if a brother is single. But I don't know if the wrist band thing would work if you bring up the point that the person verbally could mis-represent themself, they could put the band on the wrong wrist too.... So....

Once again, much appreciation for bringing up this issue and sharing.

[smiley=sankofa.gif]

[olufemi_baina_ayo]

Sis Akua Maat Free.

Here's my approach...start a conversation first, then check his left hand, no ring..but could still be taken. If you're bold enough, ask if he's married, but hope that his wife is not around. But the most important thing is the brother's mentality. If he uses the B word or the N word too frequently....if you're patient enough, educate him on how those words affect our people, then if he's interested in your knowledge, and not your body, ask for his number, then give him a list of books to read. You can liberate a brother, and get a date in one shot! ;)

[maat_free]

When i wrote this post, i was really thinking about the plight of a specific set of brothers and sisters, those (for the sake of clarity) we could call frontline freedom fighters.

these people (i include myself in the group) really do need mates. It is a new afican tragedy for them not to be in healthy relationships.

in my mind's eye, i can see the oppressor wearing a gleeful smirk because these powerful, focused brothers and sisters seem not to be able to find one another.

i'm not speaking for those who still need assistance in contending with the dating nuances experienced by the general population (reference to the post about patiently enlightening someone to raise them up past using the the n word & b word and then allowing this same person take you out on a date -- non cipher)

i am talking about that vanguard cadre of community organizers with the liberation mindset who are consistently doing the work of getting our people free.

but hold up a second. I really want to be clear in explaining that i believe in finding solutions that keep the liberation of ALL our people as foremost in our minds. The final goal is ultimately to raise the consciousness of all our brothers and sisters so that we all can be vibrating at a high enough frequency to re-establish systems like this identification method but also use them ethically and accountably.

so back to the original point.

you would be surprised how many conscious, passionate, focused priests, organizers, panaf school directors, braidshop owners, vegan chefs etc. I know personally that have been single against their will for over 3 years.

these are the ones that really need the benefit of some kind of identifier because it is not in their nature to be out looking for someone to complete them, and in the process of doing the work, they rarely notice when someone is interested in them for more than comraderie.

unless you have been in the situation i am speaking of, you could never imagine what it feels like to be in a sea of black folks, all coming together for something like ascac or sankofa conference, and have that eerie feeling that your husband or wife is somewhere in that crowd , thinking the same thing as you, but neither of you is able to find the other because you're both looking settled, unwavering, focused...MARRIED!

i know personally that i am very outgoing and never ever intimidated by a human being. I am bold because i have to be in order for things in my cipher to get done. But when it comes to the issue of identifying a mate with a complimentary mission (a rare thing in and of itself), i can say this in no uncertain terms, that i need some serious elders wisdom, an arrangement or something.

frontline freedom fighters are a rare breed...scattered across the planet like a sprinkle. Everyone i could even possibly fit in this category within 60 miles of me, i already know. None of these people are my mate...they are already my beloved comrades. So when i go out of town to an event, i really need some way to know who is who.

not saying that i won't look for opportunities to build with the brothers on some un-relationship motivated issues (of course i will) but i'm saying.

does anyone remember the proverb (it's probably african cuz it makes mad sense) a closed mouth doesn't get fed? Well, then.

again, i'm a little off topic. Back to the rbg right hand wristbands.

what i am talking about is nothing new. It's what we had in place in our own communities on our own continent, facilitated by elders, but also visibly recongnizable by means of the beads we wore, the cloth we wrapped ourselves in, the hairstyle we rocked, the tribal markings we displayed all the way up to whether or not we sisters had on shirts at all.

final comment? Ain't nothing new under the sun, it's just arranged differently. So again, i think it's way past time for we, the keepers of the african traditions, to bring back our relationship status identifiers.

but if we decide to move on it, is has to touch one and touch all.

...uhuru sasa...

[olufemi_baina_ayo]

Believe me, sister, I know the feeling of wondering if my potential husband is somewhere in a crowd at an Afrikan event or at the Afrikan bookstore I go to, but I do believe that our Kings feel the same way as we do. I believe in the power of unity,both in love of each other,and for our people. Without unity ,we cannot survive.

Originally Posted by akua maat free

when i wrote this post, i was really thinking about the plight of a specific set of brothers and sisters, those (for the sake of clarity) we could call frontline freedom fighters.

these people (i include myself in the group) really do need mates. It is a new afican tragedy for them not to be in healthy relationships.

in my mind's eye, i can see the oppressor wearing a gleeful smirk because these powerful, focused brothers and sisters seem not to be able to find one another.

i'm not speaking for those who still need assistance in contending with the dating nuances experienced by the general population (reference to the post about patiently enlightening someone to raise them up past using the the n word & b word and then allowing this same person take you out on a date -- non cipher)

i am talking about that vanguard cadre of community organizers with the liberation mindset who are consistently doing the work of getting our people free.

but hold up a second. I really want to be clear in explaining that i believe in finding solutions that keep the liberation of ALL our people as foremost in our minds. The final goal is ultimately to raise the consciousness of all our brothers and sisters so that we all can be vibrating at a high enough frequency to re-establish systems like this identification method but also use them ethically and accountably.

so back to the original point.

you would be surprised how many conscious, passionate, focused priests, organizers, panaf school directors, braidshop owners, vegan chefs etc. I know personally that have been single against their will for over 3 years.

these are the ones that really need the benefit of some kind of identifier because it is not in their nature to be out looking for someone to complete them, and in the process of doing the work, they rarely notice when someone is interested in them for more than comraderie.

unless you have been in the situation i am speaking of, you could never imagine what it feels like to be in a sea of black folks, all coming together for something like ascac or sankofa conference, and have that eerie feeling that your husband or wife is somewhere in that crowd , thinking the same thing as you, but neither of you is able to find the other because you're both looking settled, unwavering, focused...MARRIED!

i know personally that i am very outgoing and never ever intimidated by a human being. I am bold because i have to be in order for things in my cipher to get done. But when it comes to the issue of identifying a mate with a complimentary mission (a rare thing in and of itself), i can say this in no uncertain terms, that i need some serious elders wisdom, an arrangement or something.

frontline freedom fighters are a rare breed...scattered across the planet like a sprinkle. Everyone i could even possibly fit in this category within 60 miles of me, i already know. None of these people are my mate...they are already my beloved comrades. So when i go out of town to an event, i really need some way to know who is who.

not saying that i won't look for opportunities to build with the brothers on some un-relationship motivated issues (of course i will) but i'm saying.

does anyone remember the proverb (it's probably african cuz it makes mad sense) a closed mouth doesn't get fed? Well, then.

again, i'm a little off topic. Back to the rbg right hand wristbands.

what i am talking about is nothing new. It's what we had in place in our own communities on our own continent, facilitated by elders, but also visibly recongnizable by means of the beads we wore, the cloth we wrapped ourselves in, the hairstyle we rocked, the tribal markings we displayed all the way up to whether or not we sisters had on shirts at all.

final comment? Ain't nothing new under the sun, it's just arranged differently. So again, i think it's way past time for we, the keepers of the african traditions, to bring back our relationship status identifiers.

but if we decide to move on it, is has to touch one and touch all.

...uhuru sasa...

[maat_free]

Originally Posted by Olufemi Baina Ayo

Believe me, sister, I know the feeling of wondering if my potential husband is somewhere in a crowd at an Afrikan event or at the Afrikan bookstore I go to...

this is a tragedy. Breaks my heart.

[olufemi_baina_ayo]

Originally Posted by akua maat free

[quote author=Olufemi Baina Ayo link=1175012105/0#4 date=1175527154]Believe me, sister, I know the feeling of wondering if my potential husband is somewhere in a crowd at an Afrikan event or at the Afrikan bookstore I go to...

this is a tragedy. Breaks my heart.[/quote]
But,I do believe that there is a King out there...just because many of our brothers are imprisoned ,dead or selling poison on the streets,does not mean that there are brothers who are on the path to Afrikan Liberation. I can never give up on saving our brothers,and educating them towards the path to New Afrika.

[maat_free]

Originally Posted by Olufemi Baina Ayo

But,I do believe that there is a King out there...I can never give up on saving our brothers,and educating them towards the path to New Afrika.

word life, sis. I agree.

i remember reading about this brother that walked from louisiana to maryland and back, over and over again for 12 years until he found his wife. This was after so-called emancipation.

people had to find one another then, and people have to find one another now.

it's a serious thing, and we can't never give up. You're absolutely right.

ps. No doubt he inspired others to do the same thing while he travelled his own path

[Baba_Ogunmola]

I voted for relying on the elders and godparents to arrange the union
and joining an organization. I picked these two because elders will teach you about courtship in the traditional African context. Many of us still date/ shack up etc.. Like most americans and as such we have hurt each other and ourselves. We also have insecurities, control issues etc... And courtship helps tremendously with that. It's a hell of a struggle, but well worth it. Courtship also requires a great amount of accountability.

Als far as joining an organization I feel that there is an advantage seeing a potential mate doing work. Some people look the part, can say all the right punchlines, but really aren't doing anything. Some have issues that do not allow them to work well with others. We can tell alot about how committed people are and what their strengths, weaknesses etc.. Are by watching them in the context of how they perform their revolutionary work. By joining an organization, local or national, you are more likely to meet people of similar interest / aspirations.