Is there a place for me?
by, 10-29-2008 at 12:02 PM (294 Views)
Beloved community, I felt the need to share more about myself. I am intimidated by this format (cyberspace) as I came to use it at a late stage and am yet somewhat of a novice. I don't do well in chat rooms (have trouble following the conversation), my computer is not the most advanced (I have no skills in troubleshooting) and the speed at which the info/responses move has me struggling to keep up. I am also seeking to join a community that has beckoned to me all my life but again I am late in joining. To clarify: I grew up in a household that saw all things Afrikan as: backwards, evil, heathen, other ( I was threatened with a whipping for singing "Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud"). I am over fifty yrs. Of age, all that I sought about my Afrikan self was by hit and miss. Now I come to this community and find it somewhat intimidating (internalized, the community has been welcoming) as it seems that this community is peopled by those who: know who they are, what their mission is, volumes of knowledge/skills, cyber proficent, (again internalized interpretations). All these things coupled with some health challenges worked against my seeking my place here, left me wondering, is there a place for me here? So I sat in on the Twi class last night, and all those things started conspiring against me. My connection was slow and erratic, my webcam wouldn't work, my tongue kept moving towards the oppressor's language. Tears and frustration raised up. My spirit reached out and the community embraced me. I felt supported, encouraged, and I logged back on every time I got booted. Bro. Kwame was patient and skillful, the room was welcoming, and I learned, I cried, I spoke Twi. I come to this community seeking to find my Afrikan self that has beckoned me since around age eight. I had no one I could talk to about that then, and the years following were filled with trying to fit into a society that repudiated all that I felt in my Afrikan soul. I come to learn, and eventually contribute, and prepare to make the journey to my source. Is there a place for me here? I ask your indulgence as I figure out these tools, (posting & chatting) ask the questions that I've pondered, move towards the vision of living as my authentic Afrikan self, my heart and head turned toward Afrika.
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