Reflections of a Pregnant Brotha

**Yaw Agbede** · 06-07-2012, 11:52 AM

It’s now a few weeks before the expected due date of our first, and now seems like a good time to reflect on the journey of our pregnancy. Here are some brief thoughts and reflections of the journey:

Preparation
Lendo mu kukiniâkisa. Nganga Fu-Kiau discuss the concept of “self-healing power” in his book of the same name. This is a must-read for understanding ancient insights into preparing for pregnancy. Make sure that you and your wife are prepared in all areas for bring life back into this world. This means watching what you and your wife eat, hear, watch, smell, feel, dream, kwk. Consider why you want to have children and think about whether that aligns with your mission.

Marriage
An important part of passing on a strong package of lendo mu kukiniâkisa to your child is having a stable space for her/him to return to; and what is more stable than marriage? It is good for your wife to not have to deal with the stresses that a marriage ceremony and a new marriage bring. It is better that a couple is married and establishes a firm foundation for their marriage first and then enters the journey of pregnancy – speaking from experience.

Economics
If possible, create a situation where your wife does not have to work, where she can focus on the most important full-time job, growing your child. Hustling and make it happen by any means can greatly reduce your wife’s stress levels, but keep in mind this may make the money tight - plan for this ahead of time. Also planning for your wife to stay home with the child for at least the first year is a great investment in the healthy development of your child.

Community
Traditionally a pregnant woman would be assisted by a community of mothers to help with pregnancy healthcare and matters of the house. In the absence of that you may become that community. Learn about pregnancy, labor, postpartum care, kwk and be prepared to assist your wife at every step of the way. Get advice from happily married elders and peers who have children. Keep in mind that your peers that are single, without children, or divorced may not offer you the best advice (despite their good intentions). Make sure you communicate to all who will be in the child’s life your expectations as parents (i.e. no disney, church, pork, sugar, white dolls, toys made by krakkkers, kwk) and the consequences if they do not honor your guidelines.

Conflict
Resist the urge to discuss your conflicts with anyone other than your trusted elder jenoch. When emotions are high wives may seem like the worst people on the planet so this is not the time to vent to your peers because they will believe what you are saying about your spouse (the same goes for sisters). Anomaa bɔne na ɔseɛ ne buo mu.

Time Management
This is key. Make time to go for walks, go to the lake, spend the day at home, give massages, attend prenatal appointments, kwk.

Lifestyle
Change your diet to match hers. Observe her pregnancy taboos. I was always very aware of security-related issues but my protectiveness has definitely increased. I also had to become aware of emotional and psychological security and be gentle to my wife’s needs beyond physical protection.

Environment
Never before have I realized how toxic and anti-life everything produced in the united snakkkes is. Toxic chemicals are mandated by their laws to be included in all us-manufactured baby products and you have to look long and hard to find healthy alternatives (or build it yourself). So as to not enrich the liberal-hippie-tree-hugger crakkkers, we have been doing lots of building…

The Baby
Get to know your child. Give belly rubs often. Feel the kicks, and turns. Talk/sing/read to your child (in Afrikan languages). Get divination to find out the characteristics of who is coming back. Do ritual as a family in preparation.