Thailand Donates 50,000 Bottles of Whitening Skin Cream To Haiti

[Akua Ma'at]

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Thailand Donates 50,000 Bottles of Whitening Skin Cream To Haiti

Abhisit hopes earthquake survivors will feel “more confident” with lighter, more radiant skin



BANGKOK – Responding to international criticism that its initial donation of $20,000 was insufficient, the Thai government has generously added 50,000 bottles of whitening skin cream to its aid shipment to earthquake-stricken Haiti.

“Thailand is a compassionate nation,” said Foreign Minister Kasit Piromya. “We noticed in the news that the Haitians are all very dark-skinned. This is surely one of the reasons they are living in poverty. With lighter skin they could be more successful.”

The donation is co-sponsored by Unilever Thailand Ltd., which has agreed to provide the 50,000 bottles of Citra Ultra White if the government provides shipping. Along with the whitening cream, there will also be 50,000 copies of Citra’s new brochure, explaining the power of Citra’s double-action anti-aging and brightening formula.

“Citra Ultra White lets you look and feel your best,” said Marlene Van Houten, Unilever’s regional marketing director. “Whether you’re standing in line for UN food shipments, or just sorting through the rubble of your devastated village, Citra Ultra White provides whiter skin and all-day UV protection.”

The whitening cream represents the single-largest shipment of its kind ever to a disaster-zone. Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva said that the generosity of Thais was evident because so many people had encouraged the donation.

“Everyone kept talking about how black-skinned the Haitians are,” he said. “At every discussion about aid, the skin color kept coming up. I see now that the initial pledge of USD20,000 was very low because in the back of our minds we knew that these black people needed something more than just money.”

Many people interviewed for the story seemed to agree with the PM.

“I donated some money to help the Chinese after the Sichuan earthquake,” said office worker Vasana Prasarnmit. “But these Haiti people are so dark I don’t want to give them anything. Maybe if they were lighter, like Obama.”

It is believed that the whitening cream can make the homeless, starving survivors of the earthquake look whiter and brighter in just 14 days, according to the Unilever brochure. It is hoped that by looking whiter, the Haitians might be able to secure more aid.

“White skin is the key to succes in life, whether it’s job interviews, finding a mate, or being elected to office,” said Chulalongkorn sociology professor Urmkit Srisomwattanathip. “There’s no reason to believe this is any different.”

The Haitian government has tentatively accepted the donation, but has surprisingly appealed for more non-whitening aid.

“We have nothing,” said a local Haitian aid worker with the UN. “We need shelter, food, clean water. There are hundreds of children dying every day from dysentery. Please help us. For god’s sake, wake up and see the suffering.”

[Ojukwu]

This dastardly act of generosity reveals the true color of those whom we receive assistance from. Better yet, it illustrate your friend from fiends.

[Obadele Kambon]

This has got to be satire.